The Story Of The Spider And The Grasshopper

Als Nachlese zum Workshop in Agen – jetzt ETPRS getauft –  veröffentlichte David auf moreTPRS die wahre und nur unwesentlich übertriebene Geschichte von der Spinne und der Heuschrecke. Teri merkte dazu an: „And your version is as close to the truth as any other.  –  Teri the fearless“

Once upon a time there were 2 ladies called Lynnette and Teri. One day they took a trip to France. They were being sent on a quest to convert the ignorant and bring them to the light. Lynnette looked after the accommodation and Teri looked after the luggage.
Upon arrival at their castle, nestled between kiwi fruit vines and corn fields, the 2 ladies of the light wandered around the stately gardens. Teri picked hortensias and Lynnette enjoyed the warm sunshine.
It was getting late, in fact it was 2am, and as the mild night air wandered through their tower window. Lynnette and Teri decided to retire for the day, when all of a sudden a terrifying cry ran through the castle telling everyone that something terrible had happened. Had someone been murdered, thought Teri as she raced towards the sounds of
the cries, that seemed to be coming from Lynnette‘s room?
Teri came running and found Lynnette petrified before her bed. „There’s a SPIDER on my pillow“ she managed to say. But, a spider isn’t a big deal, thought Teri.
However THIS was no ordinary spider, it was a mutant. As big as a cartwheel and extremely ugly. Teri was unsure what to do, it certainly was a rather large and aesthetically unpleasant creature. They decided to take the practical approach and suck it up with the suction device, a vacuum cleaner, an instrument better known as a hoover. A struggle ensued, but the brave ladies vanquished the demon, banishing it to the
dregs of the dust bag.
Due to the struggle, Lady Lynnette needed to excuse herself to wipe off the droplets of perspiration on her forehead. And so, she made her way to the ladies‘ room.
It was but moments later that again a cry arose, and again it was Lynnette. Teri jumped the stairs, taking them 2 or 3 at a time. She reached the water closet to find Lynnette petrified to the spot. She was pointing at the floor, before the toilet. There before them, stood an enormous grasshopper, the biggest the ladies had ever seen. Nothing could compare to the monstrous dimensions of this insect. It stood motionless on the tiles, transfixed, but Teri the fearless grabbed her suction device and vanquished the creature, banishing it to the dregs of the dust bag.
By now, it was 2.30 am and both ladies were utterly spent. But Lynnette couldn’t sleep, she kept having visions of the foul beasts she had just sent to oblivion crawling back out of the suction device and getting their revenge. So she arose from her bed and placed the hoover outside the front door… and they both slept happily ever after.
The end

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